In His Pursuit

I ran a 5-kilometer last Monday which I even dragged myself into. It was the first time that I ran after two weeks even though I was going to the gym for weights. I can't feel my thighs and arms after that 40-minute run. This week has been tough for me. Not just that run.  My phone would beep that it was time for me to fly. And it reminds me again of the pain. I would hear some things about him and the pain would come back. How did I have the joy that no one can steal as before? Pain, disappointments, hurts from people, taken advantage of, and you just wanted to honor God but you had to go through these things.  Maybe it was all my consequences.  Definitely. You see, I have always seen God as a Gracious Heavenly Father but I associate holiness to Him only a little. I have always been that girl who doesn't want the reprimand of my mom more so from my God. But, I think of His holiness as not a big deal.  I would try to go around the r...

Today is the birthday of my lola and we miss her badly. It is so hard to lose a woman whom you cherish so much and it is a dreadful day to lose a mom and it is my prayer that my mom would still see my sister's and my children in the future to sing and dance in front of her. As I near the day of my departure to a mission trip, and as I near to finish the things I need to buy for the trip, my eyes would always well up thinking that I would leave my family and disciples that the Lord entrusted to me. Just last night, my mom asked me to take care because she does not want anything bad to happen to me and she cried. I replied that she must also take care of herself well. And said that I have Jesus in my life so whether I die, I would be with Jesus in heaven. She cried even more, haha. This was drafted August 12, 2016 and I wanted to continue it last August 12, 2018 but my heart and my mind was very discombobulated with my VISA application. Before I proceed with that visa waiting ...

When will this pain end? This week, I have identified with friends who are hurting. Who wants to end their lives just because of the pain that they are experiencing. It’s pretty tough, eh? Applying for Visa has been taxing for me. Surprisingly, the tough me folded while doing this. Maybe because I really did not want to go to another counrty, in the first place. I just want a simple life. I just want to follow what God wants for me. But, the thought of just moving away and living in another country to start afresh went into my head as I thought of the pains that I carry now. You see, I’ve just celebrated my 25th birthday but I thought like nothing has been happening to my life. I went to the point of blaming God for calling me in the ministry. Because I felt like He briught me to a place where there is no growth, fonancially and career-ladder wise. But as I thought about it, I was not looking at His goodness for the past 25 years. I grew up without a dad, but have my mom an...

Sin is rebellion towards God has been so real to me this week. You see (favorite line haha), I am a person who thinks that I love God (o diba ang proud haha) and I am good enough but this week, God has been revealing how sinful I am and my need of Him in my life. My total depravity as a man apart from Christ. Ang saya pala, not to sin, but to just see how I need Christ more but there is also a part that it is hard to obey. So, in the smallest of details, we should start obeying so we would not be callous in doing what God wants us to do. It is painful and it is a commitment because most of the time, I do not feel like being kind to people. Sometimes, sin gets the better of me, or should I say everyday, may episodes talaga (huhu kakahiya) but this should not continue but instead be changed by the transforming power of the Holy Spirit indwelling in me and allowing Him to fill me and empower me. I would think badly of others thus judging them and so, I would rather read the bible and...

Bakit ka ba fearful? A palindrome is s omething that when you put it backwards will give you the same result. The longest palindrome word in existence is  tattarrattat according to google which is  a chemical term meaning to remove tartrates. Been drafting this since last week but the original draft was years ago. I never got the chance to finish  it. And I pray that tonight, I get to finish what I started. I am past way my bed time or actually no, because I have been watching the world cup up until 3am last night and 5am the other night. Lakas. In english, strong 😂✌🏽💪🏽. Please excuse me for my being informal with my emojis.  On a serious note, I really do not know where tonight’s blog is going to end up. I would at times just think of something to write about when I am not ready to write and now that I am in front of my phone typing, I have nothing to say. What a life. I just thought tonight while watching the basketball brawl in FIBA World Cup Qua...

NBA slipped off my hands. The once-in-a-lifetime dream. I thought I can finally live it out. FOMO- I have drafted this, and I think I have duplicated my draft because I was able to post a FOMO post a long time ago. I drafted this, 10/9/13. I am thinking of applying for courtside for the sake of FOMO but I do not want to miss out on God’s plan, so whatever His will is. I am cleaning up my drafts and trying to continue them before I start anew. I was asked by my disciple how I destress and I was shocked that she asked that. She really throws questions that are out of the box, if I may describe my meetigs with her. I sometimes like it, if I know the answer but most of the time, I do not know what to answer so I grabbed my sandwich, my favorite veggie delight from subway, and bit some to think and blurted out, how I am not good in accountability. No one wants accountability. No one wants to reveal their weaknesses. I have been watching the world cup and it is very hard how the coaches ...

This isn't just the size of a coffee. It calls for a big heart to respond to a tall order. No compromise, loving others, obeying hundred percent bringing Him everything. I have been steady with my walk for the longest time. And today, I feel so nervous with how my mom would respond to my shortcomings. You see, I am very much lenient with almost all things, and sometime even in my walk with the Lord. I am not very disciplined. And I fear that I will bring this to the future and not glorify God. My mom has her apartments for rent and I recommended tenants for one of the doors and they somewhat are not disciplined also in terms of payment and with money, I do not want to be pressured that is why I am very much maluwag in terms of handling finances despite of me taking Finance in college. I do not want tensions and when problems arise in terms of business, it is hard for me to balance being a follower of Christ and at the same time handling hard situations like asking for the ag...