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Pain to Cherish

When will this pain end?

This week, I have identified with friends who are hurting. Who wants to end their lives just because of the pain that they are experiencing. It’s pretty tough, eh?

Applying for Visa has been taxing for me. Surprisingly, the tough me folded while doing this. Maybe because I really did not want to go to another counrty, in the first place. I just want a simple life. I just want to follow what God wants for me. But, the thought of just moving away and living in another country to start afresh went into my head as I thought of the pains that I carry now. You see, I’ve just celebrated my 25th birthday but I thought like nothing has been happening to my life. I went to the point of blaming God for calling me in the ministry. Because I felt like He briught me to a place where there is no growth, fonancially and career-ladder wise. But as I thought about it, I was not looking at His goodness for the past 25 years.

I grew up without a dad, but have my mom and aunt. I finished school by scholarships because we do not have money. I am working and saving not much but He has given me a relationship with the King of kings. 

Maybe in these painful times, we go to pity parties and sees ourselves being the victim of following Christ and timely, I am in Deuteronomy. Moses recalled how the Lord has been faithful to them. How their feet and clothes did not wear off this 40 years. And the Lord reminded me of His love, that He did not choose me because I am qualified but He chose me because of His covenant to me and I can attest to His Faithfulness these past four years of me in the campus ministry.

Maybe I am focusing on myself again. I am not dying to self and living for Jesus. I am choosing my own way and plans over His and this is where pain comes. Letting go of what you want to gain the
one who wants the best for you.

It pains me to know that he is also letting go. That I cannot hold on to him. But, I am assured of God’s protection, provision and love as I get out of Egypt and as I journey with Jesus to the promised land. I don’t know what that looks like but with everything that I’ve seen, it makes me trust Him for the things I haven’t seen. As what I’ve read today in our garage’s frame, very timely.


Dear God, it still pains me hurting you and disobeying you that time. It pains me surrendering him because I want him. But Lord, I want to love you more. I want to be broken before you and just allow You to fill me. Lord, cleanse my heart and make it Yours forever. I surrender him to You, help him to also come to You and be pleased. He may not be it but may we be Yours forever. I love You more Jesus. Thank You for Your love. Amen.


In His Pursuit,
Michelle Aquino
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