Today is the birthday of my lola and we miss her badly. It is so hard to lose a woman whom you cherish so much and it is a dreadful day to lose a mom and it is my prayer that my mom would still see my sister's and my children in the future to sing and dance in front of her.
As I near the day of my departure to a mission trip, and as I near to finish the things I need to buy for the trip, my eyes would always well up thinking that I would leave my family and disciples that the Lord entrusted to me. Just last night, my mom asked me to take care because she does not want anything bad to happen to me and she cried. I replied that she must also take care of herself well. And said that I have Jesus in my life so whether I die, I would be with Jesus in heaven. She cried even more, haha.
This was drafted August 12, 2016 and I wanted to continue it last August 12, 2018 but my heart and my mind was very discombobulated with my VISA application.
Before I proceed with that visa waiting game, I will continue my draft two years ago first.
Dgroup Assemble happened last August 18, 2016. I gathered my disciples the night before we go to the middle east, I know that I will be fine despite of the mission we will do but my disciples made our dinner a living funeral for me. And they wrote me some messages which I didn't read while in the Philippines because I can't read letters because it makes me cringe. But, when I had the time, I read it in the middle east while waiting for a program to start. I was freshening up and preparing my stuff for the next days of stay and I prayed. I can still remember that I prayed behind the main door of our accommodation because I didn't want my international roommate to see me crying while praying haha. And so, I prayed for my disciples and as I write this down now, I feel so loved and I don't deserve it. I know my short-comings and yet, the Lord blessed me with all of them. Thank You, Lord for the ladies you've placed in my dgroup. Such grace.
Speaking of God's grace, the Lord has reminded me this morning how He has allowed my Breakout, the escape room game, to be at 100 percent! And I don't want to anymore take any game so I could stay at that percentage.
Fasting, I was reminded of a Daniel kind of fast as I seek Him and be a godly steward of the body He has entrusted to me. I was so engrossed with food and I catch my breath already when I walk, grabe, aging. I am very excited to come back to being fit again.
But most importantly, I want to not miss Jesus anymore. You see, there are a lot of things happening in the ministry that makes me miss the Lord at times. And that is the reason why I wanted my Korea trip to push through. And to also see another place aside from my room where I spend time with the Lord.
But the Lord had others plans.
My fault, I know that the Lord impressed in my heart to start applying for visa early this year but I kept on putting it off and so, the embassy made other rules along the way. I was confident to pass on a later date but then, one day before my departure, my visa still wasn't released. And as I called 23 hours before my flight, they announced that I was refused to enter the country. I expected it that time after hearing how my other disciples got denied.
So, what do you do when you are denied?
I eat. O btw, praying that I don't get bad stomach after eating an expired mixed nuts and raisins haha I don't know why but I am craving fruit and nuts while writing this non-categorized writing of mine. I am just typing down my mind. HAHA sorry :/
And I continued... eating expired nuts HAHA, I don't get how nuts get expired. Just like I can't understand why a country would refuse someone for entry? Okay, I am not in any way bitter or angry. HAHA, I believe the Lord's Sovereignty in this. That He knows what is best for me.
But when you are in the midst and freshness of the pain, you can't seem to see Him. You can't seem to see the good. And you just can't seem to understand.
Have I understood all things in this world?
No.
But, why do I believe that I will fall when I jump off a staircase?
It was pretty hard understanding why God allows such things to happen to us. When the things we want doesn't happen. We even bribe God. But, we cannot fool Him. He knows our hearts. I rechecked my heart and I know that it was full of myself. The trip for myself, it wasn't really for Him.
Humility.
Death to self.
More than getting to help my family with errands this week, it was clear to me that I would get to experience God more here in the Philippines. And truly, I enjoy being with Him. That when things don't go your way, go to Him. What Moses said to God that do not lead us up from here if you won't go with us, has been personal for me this week. We should not compare ourselves to others because He has called each one according to His wisdom.
What did I learn? Aside from not confirming my flight booking very early, was Him being God in my life, and me as not important yet He died for me.
So,
Who am I to talk back to God? Where was I when He created the world? What did Jesus, being God did for me?
Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me. Thank You that You thought of me. Thank You that You are never wrong and you are not capable of being wrong and so Lord, be magnified in me, and make me die to myself and live for You every moment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
In His Presence is Fullness of Joy.
Do not allow your circumstances dictate your joy meter. <3
As I near the day of my departure to a mission trip, and as I near to finish the things I need to buy for the trip, my eyes would always well up thinking that I would leave my family and disciples that the Lord entrusted to me. Just last night, my mom asked me to take care because she does not want anything bad to happen to me and she cried. I replied that she must also take care of herself well. And said that I have Jesus in my life so whether I die, I would be with Jesus in heaven. She cried even more, haha.
This was drafted August 12, 2016 and I wanted to continue it last August 12, 2018 but my heart and my mind was very discombobulated with my VISA application.
Before I proceed with that visa waiting game, I will continue my draft two years ago first.
Dgroup Assemble happened last August 18, 2016. I gathered my disciples the night before we go to the middle east, I know that I will be fine despite of the mission we will do but my disciples made our dinner a living funeral for me. And they wrote me some messages which I didn't read while in the Philippines because I can't read letters because it makes me cringe. But, when I had the time, I read it in the middle east while waiting for a program to start. I was freshening up and preparing my stuff for the next days of stay and I prayed. I can still remember that I prayed behind the main door of our accommodation because I didn't want my international roommate to see me crying while praying haha. And so, I prayed for my disciples and as I write this down now, I feel so loved and I don't deserve it. I know my short-comings and yet, the Lord blessed me with all of them. Thank You, Lord for the ladies you've placed in my dgroup. Such grace.
Speaking of God's grace, the Lord has reminded me this morning how He has allowed my Breakout, the escape room game, to be at 100 percent! And I don't want to anymore take any game so I could stay at that percentage.
Fasting, I was reminded of a Daniel kind of fast as I seek Him and be a godly steward of the body He has entrusted to me. I was so engrossed with food and I catch my breath already when I walk, grabe, aging. I am very excited to come back to being fit again.
But most importantly, I want to not miss Jesus anymore. You see, there are a lot of things happening in the ministry that makes me miss the Lord at times. And that is the reason why I wanted my Korea trip to push through. And to also see another place aside from my room where I spend time with the Lord.
But the Lord had others plans.
My fault, I know that the Lord impressed in my heart to start applying for visa early this year but I kept on putting it off and so, the embassy made other rules along the way. I was confident to pass on a later date but then, one day before my departure, my visa still wasn't released. And as I called 23 hours before my flight, they announced that I was refused to enter the country. I expected it that time after hearing how my other disciples got denied.
So, what do you do when you are denied?
I eat. O btw, praying that I don't get bad stomach after eating an expired mixed nuts and raisins haha I don't know why but I am craving fruit and nuts while writing this non-categorized writing of mine. I am just typing down my mind. HAHA sorry :/
And I continued... eating expired nuts HAHA, I don't get how nuts get expired. Just like I can't understand why a country would refuse someone for entry? Okay, I am not in any way bitter or angry. HAHA, I believe the Lord's Sovereignty in this. That He knows what is best for me.
But when you are in the midst and freshness of the pain, you can't seem to see Him. You can't seem to see the good. And you just can't seem to understand.
Have I understood all things in this world?
No.
But, why do I believe that I will fall when I jump off a staircase?
It was pretty hard understanding why God allows such things to happen to us. When the things we want doesn't happen. We even bribe God. But, we cannot fool Him. He knows our hearts. I rechecked my heart and I know that it was full of myself. The trip for myself, it wasn't really for Him.
Humility.
Death to self.
More than getting to help my family with errands this week, it was clear to me that I would get to experience God more here in the Philippines. And truly, I enjoy being with Him. That when things don't go your way, go to Him. What Moses said to God that do not lead us up from here if you won't go with us, has been personal for me this week. We should not compare ourselves to others because He has called each one according to His wisdom.
What did I learn? Aside from not confirming my flight booking very early, was Him being God in my life, and me as not important yet He died for me.
So,
Who am I to talk back to God? Where was I when He created the world? What did Jesus, being God did for me?
Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me. Thank You that You thought of me. Thank You that You are never wrong and you are not capable of being wrong and so Lord, be magnified in me, and make me die to myself and live for You every moment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
In His Presence is Fullness of Joy.
Do not allow your circumstances dictate your joy meter. <3
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