In His Pursuit

  This would be how I would look like if asked what I would say to my younger self. Adding, I hope you obey God’s no consistently because it won’t get any easy as you get older.  Sometimes, because we know that God is Gracious, we would already spend our lives in the way we want it to go knowing that God forgives and He rescues. But as what we have been repeating in this blog, we cannot escape the unnecessary pains that we could have missed if we just chose to yield to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Consistency in your love for Jesus is difficult. A one-time high or a seasonal-high in basketball won’t give you the championship. It will just win you games but the goal is to not just win games, the goal is your whole self experiencing Christ and being transformed into His image.  I learned about myself that whenever I feel like I’ve had enough of God for the day, I would stop being in His presence and will just do my thing. I make Him a to-do list that after talking to Him for ...

Grace. I don’t deserve it. This covid pandemic has somewhat hardened my heart. It has shown my worst. And I believe that this is what really is inside me which haven’t surfaced until now. My flaws were magnified and it has sounded an alarm that I need to work on myself. That because of the too many work that needs attention, I had set myself aside. Whil reading a book on emotionally healthy spirituality, it has shown me that I am no superwoman. That I cannot change the world. That I can only do so much. And God is after my being with Him more than doing things for Him. So that is what I am planning to do as this year closes. But before that, I would love to go back to what happened last July why I started this blog with one word. Birthdays have never been a big deal for me. I enjoy having my birthday with no one knowing about it except my family. Maybe because I didn’t want to expect. I grew up loving my birthdays because of my family. But, there came a point in our life where we strug...

This quarantine season has got me kwahzy. It gave me time to think about my life. It magnified my flaws and it gave me time to pause because commute time was deducted from my everyday life.  It may either make us bitter or better. While having a Sunday service with my family today, you know the feeling of watching a tv show that now narrates the morale of the story? Or the bida would at least tell the audience of his or her realizations. Let me share with you how I am imperfectly walking with the Lord and it is my prayer that you would also experience Christ in this season. At the onset of the quarantine, I was restless. Adjusting from a field work to a home work in no time is needed. Not to mention the responsibility of putting up your family. Making sure that everyone is safe and provided for. It wasn’t an easy ride.  So every time I would hear or see anything annoying, I would turn to my family and they absorb my anger. There was this one time that I got into a discussion w...

This is how I look like most of the week. On my screen talking to people—- virtually. This quarantine season has changed my life- a bunch. It brought me back to reality- doing the basics. I practiced my calligraphy drills, I learned how to piano, helped in the chores more than ever, bought meds and groceries for the family, got sick with the government (thankfully, didn’t get subpoenaed), helped our neighbors and driver, guards and juliets at work, shared the gospel to a bike  boy whom I rode for consecutively, read, did some arts, cleaned the house for n number of times, worked out AND CLUNG ON TO JESUS. This season taught me that I have no good thing apatrt from Christ. And that good thing is only Christ. And I would not know that if I don’t surrender to His Lordship and His will. I would have bad dreams night after night, but I have to fight it off in the morning and walk with Jesus again. It is a conscious effort to guard what I think of and fix my gaze on the author and...

I am happy to announce that I am enjoying knowing God lately. Not because of the yes from my prayers but because of who He is. This is what I want to experience since last year. I have been physically beaten and emotionally hurt last year and it made my view of God blur. Even coming to this year, I was battling physically and emotionally and it resulted to broken relationships with people because I was looking at myself. I was focused on my needs and how they can be met. I got to a point where I want to control the people around me. When the coronavirus dawned on the newstands, it made me realize that I was not God. That I cannot do anything about it. That I am powerless. And all I can do is to humble myself before a holy God. And to worship Him in my obedience to Him. There are many things I know that my God is rebuking me to let go and do. To have Him as my number one and to surrender all to Him. My desires, my fears, my finances, my strength, my time and my future. After te...

I really do not know how I would respond to people who are truly hard to love. It has never been this hard. Today, if there is a way to see how I am feeling, you would be seeing smoke coming out of my nose and my ears as I face people that I really don't like. Yes, I am proud and at the same time envious because I feel like I am better than them and yet God allows them to take advantage of me. Ugh this feeling. I really want to flip my table over and just exchange them to have Kobe back. I hate seeing them. I feel like lagi akong lugi. I feel like, I am not getting what I deserve and hence I am drained further. I hate people who are feeling. Ugh huh. If I can just leave them and go my own way, I would really do it. I don't want being with them. As I am typing this, I saw a kid wanting to say hi to me but I ignored. And I was rebuked. That shouldn't be the way someone loved by God should respond. I am not looking at God. I am being insecure. I am going back to the old m...

Whenever I am out of my workspace, all my thoughts are on whack and excited to write but now that I am ready to record them all, it's now a blankspace. So, I will try to juice out my ideas now while I have time. I will start with what I learned from a book I was reading during the holidays, The Crazy Love by Francis Chan. New year seems to make people new. Like, almost all want to be a better version of themselves. After all, it's the best time to start anew. Whatever failures that you don't want to remember from the past year seems like a really long time ago. It feels like it is a clean slate. My one takeaway that I will apply from the book is to live my life day by day, consistently and see if my goal was achieved. We usually make new year resolutions that are too big to do and so we have to make it simple habits to develop so we get there. One of my goals for this year is to get back in being active, eat healthy, be a blessing to others and to grow deeper in my r...