In His Pursuit

I am happy to announce that I am enjoying knowing God lately. Not because of the yes from my prayers but because of who He is. This is what I want to experience since last year. I have been physically beaten and emotionally hurt last year and it made my view of God blur. Even coming to this year, I was battling physically and emotionally and it resulted to broken relationships with people because I was looking at myself. I was focused on my needs and how they can be met. I got to a point where I want to control the people around me. When the coronavirus dawned on the newstands, it made me realize that I was not God. That I cannot do anything about it. That I am powerless. And all I can do is to humble myself before a holy God. And to worship Him in my obedience to Him. There are many things I know that my God is rebuking me to let go and do. To have Him as my number one and to surrender all to Him. My desires, my fears, my finances, my strength, my time and my future. After te...

I really do not know how I would respond to people who are truly hard to love. It has never been this hard. Today, if there is a way to see how I am feeling, you would be seeing smoke coming out of my nose and my ears as I face people that I really don't like. Yes, I am proud and at the same time envious because I feel like I am better than them and yet God allows them to take advantage of me. Ugh this feeling. I really want to flip my table over and just exchange them to have Kobe back. I hate seeing them. I feel like lagi akong lugi. I feel like, I am not getting what I deserve and hence I am drained further. I hate people who are feeling. Ugh huh. If I can just leave them and go my own way, I would really do it. I don't want being with them. As I am typing this, I saw a kid wanting to say hi to me but I ignored. And I was rebuked. That shouldn't be the way someone loved by God should respond. I am not looking at God. I am being insecure. I am going back to the old m...

Whenever I am out of my workspace, all my thoughts are on whack and excited to write but now that I am ready to record them all, it's now a blankspace. So, I will try to juice out my ideas now while I have time. I will start with what I learned from a book I was reading during the holidays, The Crazy Love by Francis Chan. New year seems to make people new. Like, almost all want to be a better version of themselves. After all, it's the best time to start anew. Whatever failures that you don't want to remember from the past year seems like a really long time ago. It feels like it is a clean slate. My one takeaway that I will apply from the book is to live my life day by day, consistently and see if my goal was achieved. We usually make new year resolutions that are too big to do and so we have to make it simple habits to develop so we get there. One of my goals for this year is to get back in being active, eat healthy, be a blessing to others and to grow deeper in my r...

I have never been this challenged in my 10 years  of being with Jesus. I last experienced this much breaking in 2009. I know, I know, it was my fault. This year, was a painful year of break ups, yes, a lot of reltionships neglected because of some priorities I did not juggle well. I was in pain starting January up until today so that marks its one year. I know again that it dated back last December when I didn’t listen to the Lord’s proddings to let go of a man that I like. I tried to justify it to my God and say, we aren’t doing anything wrong naman. And God has given us liberty to choose. BUT THEN AGAIN, WE CANNOT CHOOSE THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS AND NOW, I AM REAPING IT. By the start of 2020, even today as I speak, I wanted to just have Jesus. Pero ang hirap. HAHA. My flesh is overtaking many times. I would justify again that it is because I just want to be myself and don’t want to pretend. But again, I know that I should die to myself and live for Jesus lang. To depend...

This is what happened in the Dumaguete Mission Trip. There really is blessing in obedience. I remember the time when God called me to go full-time in the ministry but that was six years ago. I hate it when my stories of God's faithfulness do not multiply because maybe I am not being sensitive to His voice.  Will share with you how tough this year has been for me.  2019 started out pretty exciting for me. Knowing that God still wants me to serve Him full-time in the ministry, I wanted to study to better equip myself and help in the training and discipling of the next generation of leaders of this country. I enjoyed learning how to teach which is ironic because I do not have the gift of it. I do not want children in the first place but I want to homeschool my future children.  February of this year, was a big adjustment for me but I managed to serve God after God telling me that His grace is sufficient for me for His power is made perfect in weakness. But...

It's been a month since I was very thirsty of the love of this world. It still comes sometimes. Like last night. I was very emotional thinking about the pain I have gone through this year. But, in the morning, truly joy comes in. Really praying and surrendering all your pains and disappointments to the Lord and allowing Him to comfort you. I am doing this now while in the office on my sabbath day so I would not have to watch Ang Probinsyano haha jk but personally, I am truly praising God for allowing me to book another flight to Dumaguete to just rest and get off the Manila traffic and just spend time with my mom. Praying that I get to pray when we are there and not to thirst for love that doesn't quench. I know that I am not where God wants me to be. I am pushing for what I want. Cause my whole life, I feel like I am considering others in my decisions and this time, I would want to be honest with God to do things on my own. But I know there is emptiness. I know that this ...

When you do the right things for others yet it is not appreciated. I believed so many lies of satan with just 24 hours after knowing how filled you are. Have you experienced that? One minute you are filled the second to it you are totally controlled by yourself and I call this being controlled by the evil knowing that we are spiritual beings. First, when everybody have deserted you, know that God is near. When you feel like the whole world has gone against you, that is not true. When the people that you have helped do not reciprocate it. Sharing with you an excerpt from The Bondage Breaker of Neil T. Anderson that I read after feeling so down. Sacrifice the Temporal to Gain the Eternal Possibly the greatest sign of spiritual maturity is the ability to postpone rewards. Hebrews 11:24-26 says: "By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the pa...