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Canvas

It's been a month since I was very thirsty of the love of this world. It still comes sometimes. Like last night. I was very emotional thinking about the pain I have gone through this year. But, in the morning, truly joy comes in. Really praying and surrendering all your pains and disappointments to the Lord and allowing Him to comfort you.

I am doing this now while in the office on my sabbath day so I would not have to watch Ang Probinsyano haha jk but personally, I am truly praising God for allowing me to book another flight to Dumaguete to just rest and get off the Manila traffic and just spend time with my mom. Praying that I get to pray when we are there and not to thirst for love that doesn't quench.

I know that I am not where God wants me to be. I am pushing for what I want. Cause my whole life, I feel like I am considering others in my decisions and this time, I would want to be honest with God to do things on my own. But I know there is emptiness. I know that this is not where peace is. The peace that transcends all understanding.

First, in my career.

Second, with my heart.

I am so small in the midst of the deep sea, yet I am deeply loved by the Creator of it.

I have been very happy being in the ministry for five years now knowing that this is me obeying God's call for me. I would not have it any other way. Because I have experienced God deeper here. I wouldn't know where I would be if I didn't seek Him and obey Him. But as I study, I wanted to be used by God where it is hard soil. Where I could be used by Him outside of the ministry setting. If I will be effective in that way, I would love to go to law school and serve Him in every way and capacity I could.

I know I have sinned and invested time and emotions with a friend. And so, today, I would rather develop healthy friendships with people and stop investing unnecessary emotions and clinginess to them and just focus on my Jesus who supplies all my emotional needs. This is so nakakahiya and painful for my future husband as it is to my Lord and my God. So today, I just talk to Him and not on guys that I should get my security from. Nakatulong din pala. So for the next month, I pray that I continue to enjoy God's presence and that the Lord would protect me and my future husband to follow His design and His timing. To trust in Him writing our love story. And Him being honored. Despite of my desires, His desires above all. Because those are the best. <3

My mission trip in Dumaguete and Cebu helped me see how God loves me so much and how He wants what is best for me when He showed me love tangible through people and that I must also be a blessing to people and not be consumer lang.

May the canvas be painted by God alone.

As I wait, I trust You my God. I will obey and macimize this time to make you known.

If you ask God for Him to secure your heart, He would answer it, because that is His will for you and for me.

If it doesn’t hurt anymore, maybe you are not making a progress. I learned this as I gym and cycle.





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