When things get out of your hands, will you continue to trust Him?
I have drafted this a month or so and this is still the theme of my life now. I know I have not been where I want to be spiritually and even emotionally. My feelings are not in check and so foolishness came into the way.
It is hard to word my thoughts as this was written out of the blue. I will just write as how I am feeling right now as this has to get out of my chest.
I have been thinking again to go back to pursuing law school as I cannot pursue med because of my fear with blood more so with a dead person. May e even the feel of a hospital scares me. I also thought of being a Binibining Pilipinas (how unrealistic!) and lastly, to apply as a courtside reporter as it is my last year to be qualified for it. All these things for the sake of building myself up because I feel like I am nothing.
Have you ever felt that way? Thinking that others are way better than you so you have to keep up? Why are they more beautiful and whiter than you, why are they called (o diba, Christian pa) to be a doctor while you can’t even proudly say that you are called to be a missionary.
Has anyone resounds with my hurts and pains? I just feel like crying but my eyes do not release tears right now. How painful my heart gets into.
This all started when I chose something over God. Something that I pursued though I know is not what God wants. I am being convicted from the time I felt it but I didn’t turn away. Because after all, it wasn’t sin and others do it, why can’t I? I am pretty much wanting to say sorry how I have hurt another person indirectly by just having this feelings. I have hurt God because they are sibs in Christ. God knows what is best and I can hild on to His goodness. It was my fault. I should’ve left when He told me to do so. But I thought, this is my last best shot. Baka wala nang sumunod na will fit my cirteria for judging. Never naman kasi ako nakakita ng Christ-committed follower who follows what i love to do as well and more than what I asked God but at the back of my mind, I know that God has been telling me that someone is waiting for that person and I should not get it from them. I praise God how He orchestrated things to happen. My family suddenly didn’t want him and he and I eventually didn’t want to talk to each other anymore and I praise God cause loving a brother is hard and loving a kalaban is pretty much harder but knowing that surrendering to God’s will is the freedom that we all need, I trust God that it will be worth it. I just pray that we will continue to be friends and serve God in everything. I just realized now how I singled him out in my eyes and thoughts and how I don’t really like him in a sense that we didn’t really clicked. I mean not for partners. So, I surrender to the Lord and just allow Him to work in my midst.
The bottomline is I was rebelling that is why I am not growing in my walk with the Lord. So today, I commit by Hod’s grace and empowerment to fix my eyes on Him and allow Him alone to work in my heart.
One more thing, we have this land needinga title name and I was really praying about getting it because it was nearer their place for the future but what happened this week just closed the doors. I learned that I should not depend on the other circumstances in my life to override the word of God. That is what I did kasi. I tried to fit God’s word to the situation I am in and I thought it was God’s will, resulting to, it was my will turning the steering wheel to where and how I want it to be.
Today, I surrender the wheel to the Lord Jesus Christ again knowing that my security and identity is in Him and at the end of the day, my accountability is in Him.
I will not join Binibining Pilipinas but I will try to improve by doing some enhancement of skills and will try the UAAP Courtside reporting this June. But my identity is not there. If the Lord allows me to share Jesus there, so be it, if not, I pray na di ako matanggap.
With love life, I pray na we will be at peace both and we both love one another but above all to love God and honor Him in our relationship.
Dear God,
Thanks for meeting us today. God, be in control of our lives and empower us to repent and surrender to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Thanks folks! See you again next Wednesday late night!
I have drafted this a month or so and this is still the theme of my life now. I know I have not been where I want to be spiritually and even emotionally. My feelings are not in check and so foolishness came into the way.
It is hard to word my thoughts as this was written out of the blue. I will just write as how I am feeling right now as this has to get out of my chest.
I have been thinking again to go back to pursuing law school as I cannot pursue med because of my fear with blood more so with a dead person. May e even the feel of a hospital scares me. I also thought of being a Binibining Pilipinas (how unrealistic!) and lastly, to apply as a courtside reporter as it is my last year to be qualified for it. All these things for the sake of building myself up because I feel like I am nothing.
Have you ever felt that way? Thinking that others are way better than you so you have to keep up? Why are they more beautiful and whiter than you, why are they called (o diba, Christian pa) to be a doctor while you can’t even proudly say that you are called to be a missionary.
Has anyone resounds with my hurts and pains? I just feel like crying but my eyes do not release tears right now. How painful my heart gets into.
This all started when I chose something over God. Something that I pursued though I know is not what God wants. I am being convicted from the time I felt it but I didn’t turn away. Because after all, it wasn’t sin and others do it, why can’t I? I am pretty much wanting to say sorry how I have hurt another person indirectly by just having this feelings. I have hurt God because they are sibs in Christ. God knows what is best and I can hild on to His goodness. It was my fault. I should’ve left when He told me to do so. But I thought, this is my last best shot. Baka wala nang sumunod na will fit my cirteria for judging. Never naman kasi ako nakakita ng Christ-committed follower who follows what i love to do as well and more than what I asked God but at the back of my mind, I know that God has been telling me that someone is waiting for that person and I should not get it from them. I praise God how He orchestrated things to happen. My family suddenly didn’t want him and he and I eventually didn’t want to talk to each other anymore and I praise God cause loving a brother is hard and loving a kalaban is pretty much harder but knowing that surrendering to God’s will is the freedom that we all need, I trust God that it will be worth it. I just pray that we will continue to be friends and serve God in everything. I just realized now how I singled him out in my eyes and thoughts and how I don’t really like him in a sense that we didn’t really clicked. I mean not for partners. So, I surrender to the Lord and just allow Him to work in my midst.
The bottomline is I was rebelling that is why I am not growing in my walk with the Lord. So today, I commit by Hod’s grace and empowerment to fix my eyes on Him and allow Him alone to work in my heart.
One more thing, we have this land needinga title name and I was really praying about getting it because it was nearer their place for the future but what happened this week just closed the doors. I learned that I should not depend on the other circumstances in my life to override the word of God. That is what I did kasi. I tried to fit God’s word to the situation I am in and I thought it was God’s will, resulting to, it was my will turning the steering wheel to where and how I want it to be.
Today, I surrender the wheel to the Lord Jesus Christ again knowing that my security and identity is in Him and at the end of the day, my accountability is in Him.
I will not join Binibining Pilipinas but I will try to improve by doing some enhancement of skills and will try the UAAP Courtside reporting this June. But my identity is not there. If the Lord allows me to share Jesus there, so be it, if not, I pray na di ako matanggap.
With love life, I pray na we will be at peace both and we both love one another but above all to love God and honor Him in our relationship.
Dear God,
Thanks for meeting us today. God, be in control of our lives and empower us to repent and surrender to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Thanks folks! See you again next Wednesday late night!
Comments
Post a Comment