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Weekend

I am still bothered about how I felt last Saturday about leaving my family going to Baguio with friends. Reality dawned on me that I was leaving my family for a time. How much more if I leave my family to be joined to my future husband. I am learning since the beginning of time to be secure in God and to live for Him alone. But I always go back to it. I feel like I am going back to my old self that I wanted attention and affection from people. Which only Christ satisfies.

I've always dreamt of having a nice love story written by God and yet there are times that I want to do it myself. Balancing God's work and your responsibility is almost hard to weigh. Just like being your unique God-designed self to being Christ-like. But only by His grace.

In our weekend getaway, I saw how I am such a sinner. God humbled me and I pray that He would continue to humble and prune me into His image. I saw how I needed Him financially, physically, in leading people to Him and most importantly how I am far from what He wants me to be as a woman.

And with the trip, I realized how judgmental I am. That I need to think of the best in people and not jump into conclusions but to love people even though they are different from what I want. That God has loved me while I am unloveable. And I am still not.

We watched Black Panther and I was amazed how God showed my heart when I felt like being insecure again while inside the movie house knowing that I am seated right next to none. But, God assured me that He is with me and that I can get my joy from Him and not from people. Maybe they can make me kilig but it is God's love that stays forever. Despite of how I look or smell. HAHA.

I am excited how the Lord would unfold His purposes. For now, I want to be in love with Him alone. I just want to do what He calls me now and that is to pour out my life, energy, efforts and resources to discipling the next generation for Jesus.

I know this blog was very magulo and not cohesive due to my no sleep today. I entered the office at 430am and leaving 11pm? HAHA. It is my prayer that my life will be about living for Jesus and His purposes and not mine. That in the future, I would be a suitable helpmate to my future husband.

I just teared up in the bus going back to Manila from Baguio as I thought of leaving. And at the end of the day, I do not want to leave Jesus Christ but to always be in His presence. That is Heaven to me.

This wasn't the first or the second time that I lost the opportunity to just do what I want, to just go where it feels good. But, I know that I am not made for this world. That I am made to please and glorify my Father in Heaven. His sending of Jesus Christ on the cross, I guess did not feel good as well. So whether or not I missed the opportunity for what I want, I didn't want to miss His heart for me because I am pretty sure that His love for me is perfect and nothing is crooked in Him.

Will this be the end of the week?
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