Wreck it Michelle

I have my own share of failure. I shouted at my sister and said pretty much harsh words like “Shut up.” Just because of a basketball game. This is one of my “I-don’t-want-to-remember” moments.

I regret all the words I said.

I was watching 21 dresses that time and I was too mad at the other sibling who cut the wedding dress of their mom for her own wedding. I looked at it as selfish and when my sister talked to me about the game, I blurted the words that I felt about the game (including my hatred to the character in the film) I should’ve not said.

After sometime, I wanted to say sorry but my pride reigned. I told myself, it’s not your fault. They beat us and I hate their players. It’s their fault. They hurt me (This is overplaying it. I felt like I was the one they taunted, bumped either intentionally or part of the game haha. Too bitter.). I wasn’t filled with the Holy Spirit. And I did not choose to be. I chose my own way to turn my back on my sister and fool myself with the lie that it will be okay soon and what I did wasn’t that bad so I should not ask for forgiveness, right away.

I am such a hypocrite to do my own application of the message that Sunday to speak graciously to my family, and my sister’s even on the top of the list, because the LORD is omniscient. He knows our actions, thoughts and words (Psalm 139:1-6). At times, I would guard everything in my life and would forget one part and it’s all messed up. Just like in basketball, you can’t afford to guard just the four players on the floor and forget the lone player because he might just drill the killer for the game to slip past through your hands. I failed the LORD—again.

My devotions the next day rebuked me but I tried very hard to avoid them. Denying what the LORD says about the situation. I refused to highlight the verses that speak about me doing something to reconcile with my sister. That’s why I can’t find them. HAHA.

In Acts 2:1-13, the heading reminded me that I didn’t cooperat with the Holy Spirit. The heading goes, “The Holy Spirit Comes”. And in verse 11, the people from Galilee were speaking about the wonderful things God has done. I know then that what I said did not please God. I knew that was coming, my temper will detonate when I get home but I didn’t resist it and so I sinned. In Proverbs 22:3 it says, “A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”

I am embarrassed to tell this story because I know what I did was wrong. It was totally displeasing to the LORD and I really offended my sister. You would ruin your family for a stew? I was reminded of Jacob and Esau’s stew experience. Just for an appetite the siblings messed up the relationship; appetite for food and appetite for power and position.

It was my pride again.

For six days, we didn’t talk. I guess it silenced the house and even our mom and aunt didn’t know what was happening between the two of us. We would avoid each other up to the point that we are afraid to even touch each other’s skin. It was very absurd. How pride kills you and robs you of joy, peace, and love little by little without you noticing that it has worsened and deepened the wound.

On the third day, I said sorry through a personal message telling her to take care and admitting my fault and saying sorry. I guess that didn’t work out.

On the fifth day, that’s when I prayed sincerely that God would intervene and be the one to reconcile us both. That He would both heal our hearts and forgive one another.

Do-or-die game came for both our teams. Oh, by the way, this is college basketball. I was so excited not just because I’ll be able to watch with my friends but because we have to make “bawi” and at the end of the first half the score was tied which was better than the last game that they pounced on us big time. I read my mom’s text saying that my sister and I should both go home together since she was also in the game live and I didn’t know. I don’t know what to do but my mood of really wanting to win, changed after that. The feeling was strange. My prayer changed from winning to “if our loss would glorify you and if our loss will patch up what was broken, so be it.” It was a hard prayer to say but I was reminded by the LORD of what’s more valuable. Titles? Who was the champion in Season 56 of the UAAP without googling it. See? It will all be forgotten. But relationships see through.

Guess what? We lost. It was a painful loss since we were the number one seed with a twice-to-beat incentive and we faced the number four seed. And since we think that this is the best line-up, though we missed one center who is really good due to an injury, that we can ever come up with in this season. It hurt us that we were favored to win but we didn’t make it. A win would qualify you to go to the finals series.

I again do not know how but the LORD helped me to be at peace and not to be bitter but of course I would still defend my school that we should’ve gotten it, the breaks just didn’t go our way. My devotion that game day that I want to emphasize is Acts 10:34-36. God doesn’t show favoritism. God’s word assured me that He loves us all the same as He saved all of us both the Jews and the Gentiles. And that gives us peace that comes from Jesus Christ, the Lord of all.

After the game, my sister texted me and we’ll go home together. I praise the LORD for that and I told her congratulations but she didn’t trust me that I’m sincere with it and so I just let it go. Sometimes, we should not take against us the jeering of other people especially if you’re offended and don’t keep a box of hatred because when it opened accidentally you don’t want a Pandora’s box disaster to happen to you. Just let it pass, you don’t have to fight all the battles that are in front of you like a girl who pissed you off while entering in an escalator that actually you own. Put down your offensive armors of pride and wear the full armor of God. Be humble and leave it up to God. Pray for that person and pray for your reaction. They’ll one day take a dose of their own medicine. Believe me, I had mine-- a thousand of times already. It’s painful, embarrassing and bothersome.

But we have hope. Let God undo your ways. Follow Him daily. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and choose to walk with Him moment by moment particularly when you’ve hit rock bottom and you feel like everything are just not going your way.♥

Dear Lord, thank You for revealing to me my sins and thank You that You are faithful to forgive us all our sins when we confess it to You. Make me the person that you want me to be, the person who would honor and glorify Your name. This we pray in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

In His Pursuit,

Michelle Aquino♥

                                     

Please pray for me also in this area of my life. I’m not perfect. Pray that I will be able to trust always be reminded of what’s important. Do send your prayer requests to: michelleaquino13@gmail.com so I can pray for you also. With love, Michelle♥