Dominance, a word that would describe my life before. I
would not consider other people’s ideas, advise, caution, reprimand, rebuke,
anything coming from other people. Though I grew in a Christian family, knew
Bible stories, learned Sunday school songs, have my devotion, serve in teaching
Sunday schoolers, I never understood how
to listen and do the authorities’s way, and only consider my way. I planted a
mentality in my mind that, what Michelle wants, she’ll get. I am inconsiderate. When I was growing up I
remember that when I wanted something, I must get it right away or else I would
throw up tantrums in front of whoever is there.
I joined Jzone (youth ministry) back in my third year High
School and just joined a discipleship group after a year since I never wanted
to be subject to someone who has authority over me. In my last year in High
School, since I was enrolled in a Science High School where everybody were vying
slots for them to pass and I would pull people down and will not let anyone
copy my notes if they didn’t get the lesson or they were absent, I took it to
my advantage. I always wanted to be first.
And worse thing, I was one of the students who pursued the whole batch
to go up against the Principal because they didn’t allow us to have our batch retreat.
Because I always thought that everything
that I want are right, I never considered the power of the one over me and
offended those who are over us by making the chairs face upside down and
rallied outside the school grounds like a real one. How funny!
I continued going to Jzone just for the sake of attendance. I
never called my sister as ate and never used po and opo to my Aunt who is living
with us and my Mom. I would always ask them to do something for me. Like a
boss. I did not take into account their superiority over me. That’s why they
call me ‘nanay’ in our house.
All my life, I was calling myself a Christian but I am not really living it out. I am not living out the holy life that God has entrusted when I accepted Him in my life as my LORD and Savior. I was still the one who’s in the driver’s seat. I have not fully surrendered to the LORD my whole life. I kept some parts of it where sin cultivated. I pick and choose the things I want to be under God’s command and go out of that umbrella when it feels uncomfortable. I did selective obedience. I wasn’t really a Christian.
I continued to disobey my mom, aunt and sister and would
even shout at them and would answer in a very bad tone. That’s why my Mom one
time asked me, “Kristiyano ka ba talaga?” I didn’t respond. After sometime, I
thought of it if I really have Jesus Christ in my life because of my way of living--
repetitive sins. And so, I recommitted myself to the LORD again to live
starting that day my life in God’s way; turning away from my cherished sins. It
was pretty hard. The first few days, I feel like not obeying God again. I
opened up to my dgroup my struggles and they helped me by praying and reminding
me of my commitment to the LORD to die to myself moment by moment and live for
the LORD because after all it is not I who lives but Christ. Living for the
LORD should please Him, and so in Colossians 3:20 it says, “Children, obey your
parents in the LORD, for this pleases
the LORD.”
As I enter College, I was tested if I will be able to still
study, this time the LORD prompted me to obey my Mom where to study
nevertheless she’s the one who will finance me. I submitted my application
forms to different companies for scholarship and was praying to be able to
enter into my dream school. (I won’t mention it na! Haha!) For the whole summer
vacation, I’ve been praying. I forgot to check my heart, I wanted to be in my
dream school to gain the prestige in my name so when I knew that though I have
the chance to enroll there, I have to obey my Mom and now unlike before, God is
involved in our decision- making, placing
God as our first resort. I never imagined even in my wildest dreams to be
in the school where I graduated but one thing is for sure, God intended it for
good and he knows what He’s doing ALWAYS. God isn’t explainable to me.
I n College, there was a certain command the LORD wants me
to do. To start a ministry and focus on my studies that time, but I have extra-
curricular activities that eats my time, not wise use of time and finances. Whenever
my Mom would tell me to go home early after school because of exams the other
day, I would spend my time watching TV or watching live basketball games and will
go home past midnight because of an overtime game, so I end up failing my
subjects. The bad thing is that I am maintaining a grade. I wasn’t able to avail
of the incentives in that semester. I was disregarding rules again. After my
class, I slipped in the stairs, fell and fractured my foot. Two months, I
wasn’t able to stand alone where I needed crutches all the time. It was a hard
time for me to go to school every single day and to study well. I learned the
importance of being thankful and accountable to the LORD of what you have, abilities,
time, finances and God- given body. I also learned to obey the school rule:
Keep right. Haha.
“Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep
watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work
will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage” Surely in
Hebrews 13:17 it says that no good does disobedience brings.
Humility to waive your right and letting other ideas go
first before mine. Submitting to authorities even if it seems unreasonable
because the LORD placed them above us for a reason, not to harm us. As Noah did
the ark. Though everything makes no sense, we should still obey, honor and
submit to the Lordship of Christ. “Submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ”, Ephesians 5:21. Submitting to authorities not just to be free from
consequences but above all to glorify the LORD.
As I walk with the LORD, he transformed me to obey the rules
in school by the teachers, deans, guards, student council and even the stop
light. The LORD changed my heart from being disrespectful to be merciful and
loving.
In Romans 13:1-2 it says, “Everyone must submit himself to
governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has
established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God
has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”
I am still tempted until now to disobey and go my own
willful way but when I remember what the LORD has done for me and paid me with
a high price, I will never have second doubt to surrender and give myself away
and will be more than willing to be used by my one and only Savior and LORD. I
want to replace the time that was lost that me and the LORD should have in the
times that I went astray.
Despite my failures, I thank the LORD for loving me still.
A life full of mess, but the LORD saved it from total mess.♡
Prayer: Dear Lord, I'm sorry for not listening to you and for not obeying what you tell me to do. Make me a woman/man who will submit to you no matter what it takes. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
In His Pursuit,
Michelle Aquino
Do
send your prayer requests to: michelleaquino13@gmail.com so I can pray for you also.
With love, Michelle.♥
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