I saw and learned in this situation that,
if I am just going after God’s answer and God’s power to make a miracle, because
He can certainly do that, I am not hitting the point of prayer. I should pray
and go after Him instead of running after the reward. It’s futile.
God has His own timing. I always have
the mentality of a sigurista. That’s why I love Mercury drug. That’s a joke. You
can laugh. Hahaha. Yes, I would want to see everything up until the result before
I enter into something. Ayaw ko ng malabo.
I grew up in a not your typical kind
of family. My mom reared me and my sister alone. We have different dads. Her
dad supported her growing up and I was not. My dad is in Saudi, they separated
when I was still a toddler. I am not bitter. I just didn’t experienced having
an earthly father. But, I felt totally complete.
Entering college was really hard for
my mom. A week before the start of regular classes, I still do not have a school
to enter in. And, we’re still praying. No answer. No phone calls from the
scholarships I am expecting. God was silent but He didn’t forget me. Sometimes,
the things that we expect do not come on our expected way and expected time
because God has something better in mind and as a child of the LORD, He wants
the best for us. (Matthew 7:11 “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who
ask him.”)
I can still remember how I would cry every night and every time I would go to
my knees. Feeling like I was forsaken. Feeling like I wasn’t loved; contrary to
the truth. God has loved us with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3 “Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have
loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”)
The working day before we’re supposed
to deposit a non-refundable deposit to a University, a big company called for a
scholarship offer at NU because that’s the only option, I hesitated. Though the
offer was an assured free college education plus allowance and incentives, I
was like a kid who was forced to sign a contract with this company. Being a big
fan of UAAP, I know what NU does in the UAAP. They were always first from the
latter. Little knowing that in that obedience even without knowing what will
happen to me will be the gamechanger.
I can never ask for any other school. (Now, I love NU. I’m not ashamed of them
even though they won’t perform well in the competitions.) Uncertainties in life are the most exciting part of it, though at
that point everything doesn’t make sense and I really cannot understand God’s
plans but we can cling upon Him because we know He is good.
The company told us that we were
additional scholars because of the birthday of our benefactor. He decided to
send High School graduates to school than to spend the money in a big
celebration. Wow, God really knows what He’s doing. I really believed that this isn’t a coincidence, this is God’s work.
Now,
it all made sense. At first, I regret not going to my dream school but
relinquishing myself and giving in to the LORD is the focus. Obedience is. Just as how Abraham
obeyed God even though it hurts even though it doesn’t make sense.
If we will
read John 14:15-27, you’ll see that obedience to God is still about Him. It’s
his enabling through the Holy Spirit and we’ll see the reward when we obey Him.
The peace that only Him can give us.
15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father,
and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with
you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept
him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for
he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18 I will not leave you as
orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world
will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also
will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am
in my Father, and you are in me, and I
am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands
and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will
be loved by my Father, and I too will love them
and show myself to them.”
22 Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said,
“But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”
23 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will
obey my teaching. My Father will love them,
and we will come to them and make our home with them. 24 Anyone who does not love
me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong
to the Father who sent me.
25 “All this I have spoken
while still with you. 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the
Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of
everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my
peace I give you. I do not give to you as
the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
The time came when I get emotionally
attached to a guy (I regret this big time.) and coincidentally was the time
that I broke my foot off that caused my PE (Ballet) grade to a grade that won’t
allow for laudes.
In my fourth year, I was praying if
God would allow me for magna since the General Weighted Average gets into the
cut-off. I prayed that the registrar would overlook my PE grade (HAHA) or even
prayed that they would compromise my grade. But yea I know it’s a wrong prayer,
so I tried praying the prayer of one of the respected women I know, I haven’t
asked for her permission yet to indicate her name so I won’t, if magna won’t
glorify You LORD, don’t give it to me. My motive here was to try if God would
get pity on me. Yes, I was fooling God (which is definitely wrong). But I also
know for a fact that God can do the impossible. I was manipulating already and
trying my very best to convince God to give me the award because I want my
parents to be proud of me and I don’t want to be compared to other relatives
who has laude. This is pride. It was all
about me. Woe is me.
God answered my prayer. With a no. But
fortunately, they gave us an academic distinction but not the laude. It broke
my heart. I don’t know how I will tell my expectant parents. Yes, I said parents
with an s. My dad found me on facebook in my third year of stay in college and
that was the time that we were financially struggling. God knows the timing. God
provided through my dad. My mom forgave my dad though at first she didn’t want
to cause at the back of her mind she can make me finish college even without
him but God impressed to her heart, if this is the answer to your prayer why
don’t you get the help from Michelle’s dad? I never hated or even became angry,
NEVER, at my dad because I have a Perfect Father in Heaven who loves me so much
who has never failed. Our Heavenly Father is more than enough plus my mom and
now, it is so much with my dad. When I met him, it’s still the same. Now, it’s
overwhelming. God is more than enough but He gave me my father and mother, my
sibling and aunts and uncles plus my gramma. These are the things first and
foremost I am thankful of to think that I am very sinful, that’s how God has
been sooooo good. (Philippians 4:19 “And
this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious
riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.)
I felt like I was forsaken when I
wasn’t laude, but God rebuked me that I should chase after Him and not for the
answer to my prayer. It showed that I was after being a laude. God is God,
period. He doesn’t owe me any explanation. I am humbled by the LORD who broke
me in this situation. But I thank the LORD that He didn’t allow me to suffer
more because of my pride. God knows that I might be prideful or I don’t know
the exact reason I still cannot see why He allowed me to experience not in the
laude list and even though I won’t be able to know the real reason here on
earth one thing is what I am praying, that despite that, may everyone see Jesus
in me that they will see that in my
failure, God is great. That in my weakness, they will see how God is POWERFUL
AND STRONG. (2 Corinthians 12:10 "
Letting go of the guy was hard; deleting
everything. But it was worth the great feeling in return that you know you’re
obeying the Lord of lords and the King of kings putting a smile on His face.
His satisfying and perfect love.
We were able to start a campus
movement in my third year and share God’s love to my classmates, college mates,
athletes and even to one of the maintenance personnel whom I would always see
in the women’s lavatory. I am blessed to have a cushy schedule and so I have
enough time to spend time with the LORD and grow more in Him while studying. That’s
the best part of it. Discovering God’s deep love for you. (NU turn logo and
pictures)
Seeing why He sent me to NU. He
revealed it through the process. The best thing to be in is in the center of
His will being used by Him in the campus is really fulfilling. Fulfilling what
God wants even if you don’t want it, even when it’s not in your comfy zone
because you know that this is what the LORD wants and in those times, I saw how
He worked and how His hands was hands on in the ministry. After that, I
resolved to really go where His Spirit leads and I don’t want to go if He’ll
not be with me though it’ll cost me everything- dreams, aspirations, plans
because His blueprint will always be better than the one I am holding in my
heart.
God has His own way. It may not seem
the best in my perspective, He knows what He is doing. (1 John 3:20 “If our hearts condemn us, we know that
God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. “) I thank
the LORD that He kept me at bay from slipping to the pit of pride. I praise Him
for scolding me early (Hebrews 12:6 “For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes
each one he accepts as his child.") He does not spare the rod
because He loves us. He disciplines us and brings us to the greener pastures.
Trust His Heart by Babbie Mason
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember your never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember your never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart
Pray for me as I continue walking hand
in hand with Him, our True Lover, our Provider, our Comforter, our Healer, our
Savior and Lord. He has never been KJ. He is KUP. He kills unnecessary pain. As
long as we listen to him and obey him. Try it, you’ll never go wrong. Please
pray for me that after this testimony, I would be protected by the schemes of
Satan and that I will be able to protect the life and testimony God has given
me. Thanks!
Prayer:
LORD Heavenly Father, help us to trust in Your will even though there are times
that we don’t understand why, to trust in Your heart. Make us the children of
Yours who will obey You radically. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
In His Pursuit,
Michelle Aquino
Do
send your prayer requests to: michelleaquino13@gmail.com so I can pray for you also.
With love, Michelle.
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